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November 26 2010

Abad

At one point our group had to go down through consecutive levels of hell for a quest. At every level, we had to explain our goddamn quest to whoever intercepted us or fight our way out. On the 8th level, we were captured and brought before Mephistopheles... and told to explain our quest and make it good.

Our cleric SNAPPED, IRL and in game. He throws down his books and surges to his feet and points at Mephistopheles/the DM and roars his challenge. In game, the cleric hurl his mace and shield to the floor and declares:

"Fuck it! Puppet show!"

He conjures puppets with a minor creation spell and starts acting out our quest to date. The rest of the party joins in and duly enough, a stage with lights and sound effects are handled by the druid and wizard. And we put on a goddamn puppet show in the court of Mephistopheles. It had drama, it had questionable acting, it had a colourful cast of characters and a large dose of slapstick.

By the end of it he was laughing so goddamn hard he feasted us and gave us a luxury barge for the river Styx.

Caster edition for the win.
Tags: words lól /tg/
Reposted byAluslawcygenb0ckmynnia

November 22 2010

Abad

ITT Educational /h/

>The term “blow job” comes from the Victorian times

In Victorian times, a slang term for a prostitute was “blowsy”. At the same time, “blow” was slang for ejaculation. Consequently, by the 1930s, the act of fellatio came to be known as a blow job. It was also used to describe jet planes in World War Two. In Ancient Greece, the common slang for a blow job was “playing the flute”.

>A woman who has her hands on top of her breasts is said to be a sign of maternity. In fact, small idols were created in older times of naked women with hands in similar positions which were used in trade. Mostly as a superstitious charm for 'good luck' in giving birth and the like. An equivalent to a lucky rabbits foot if you will. The reason for this position is because the breasts of the mother grow larger in preparation to nurse the child during pregnancy, and this leads the eye directly to the nipples. Although over the years the reason for such a pose has changed as do most things.

>Oral Sex, surprisingly enough, is actually fairly controversial in some cultures. In the United States, a simple but obvious example of this can be seen in the catholic church. Where ejaculation not used for procreation is frowned upon. Thus, the constant fear mongering of "If you masturbate, you'll go to hell!", but an unseen variation of this is oral sex where it is essentially the same. Although some don't view it as taboo since no actual vaginal intercourse is involved. These same people might consider anal sex pure as well.

And then of course there are feminists who consider a blow job degrading.

Oddly enough, in Chinese Taoism eating a woman out is revered as a spiritually fulfilling practice that is believed to enhance longevity

Tags: words /h/ sortof
Reposted byAluslaw Aluslaw
Abad
1906 bd74
Tags: img words omg
Reposted byjawesoupetersuppenkasperlborsukschottladenbananaappleharadaywandiSmigoliaixauthmillenonAnnaBananalagerkollervolmendelpascalmhgentlementlemanhdsalxmbtowserIkaikageo404roodygiantspacehamsterneuernickmierrkastraycatcalltopowerlambdafpletzkrannixDerOrwischersofastebbe

November 21 2010

Abad

Polski kodeks honorowy


Art. 3.

Z tytułu wykształcenia zaliczyć należy do osób zdolnych do żądania i dawania satysfakcji honorowej tych wszystkich, którzy ukończyli szkoły średnie.

Art. 4.

Mimo braku wykształcenia średniego należy wciągnąć pod pojęcie osób honorowych tych wszystkich, którzy swoją inteligencją lub wybitnymi zdolnościami w rzeczywistości dorośli, jeśli nie przewyższyli poziom średniego wykształcenia.

Uwaga: Dlatego nie można odmówić satysfakcji artyście malarzowi, mimo, iż tenże studiów średnich nie odbył, lub np. powieściopisarzowi, który ukończył trzy klasy gimnazjalne.

Art. 5.

Osoby nieposiadające wymaganych art. 3 i 4 kryteriów, posiadają mimo to zdolności dawania i żądania honorowego zadośćuczynienia, o ile zajmują wybitne stanowisko społeczne.

Uwaga: W myśl tej zasady należy udzielić satysfakcji honorowej wieśniakowi, który jest posłem na sejm.
Reposted byivylAluslawpldzwiedziumrokuelcommendanterazieliniradiouskjuikwstawieplywaizabasienazywapmgkagiebeberry-girlpannanzlewkizpolewkiszczypcik
Abad
8445 a6a9 500
Tags: words /co/ ohshi-
Reposted byhamletAluslawsm0k1nggnuEvilDeathmrokuNicola-K

November 18 2010

Abad
5849 5709
Miło było poznać :f To spotkanie uświadomiło mi też jak bardzo nie umiem w normalny sposób porozumiewać się z ludźmi... now that was deep -.= Wróciłem na /konf/ więc teraz będzie już tylko gorzej :<
Tags: words wtf react

November 17 2010

Abad

November 06 2010

Abad
Generalnie to bez neta jest troszki do dupy w obecnym wieku. Najwyższy czas coś z tym zrobić. I co by klasyka zbezcześcić: Pogłoski o mojej śmierci były przesadzone (ale nie za mocno). See you next crime.
Tags: words wtf

October 24 2010

Abad
Good Game
Tags: words react
Abad
8229 12a0 500
Tags: img words /v/
Reposted byAluslawRynknbblspiereksebikonidympnaivylberry-girlhamletpapajoDerOrwischerbs-oneatomanCitanfunkie-junkiebananaappleDiviuscremeamelieyouamachaptercalledlifeketlicze
Abad
Abad

October 22 2010

Abad

Leys Play Morrowind 2 sort of

Now, momma didn’t raise no fool. When you see valuable offerings just lying there on a sacrificial altar to a forbidden god, taking them will not work out well for you. Like, if you take a shiny quarter from the collection plate at church, you might get a dirty look from your grandma. If you take Dagoth Ur’s bling, he will end your ass.
Reposted byAluslawgiantspacehamster

October 21 2010

Abad
1614 91a8 500

I think i'm being trolled here... or you didn't get what the strip was about... or both. 

A bramka numer trzy to pytanie, które już jakiś czas (znaczy właściwie to jakieś 5 minut, ale "jakiś czas" brzmi lepiej nie? [Tak naprawdę chciałem o czym innym ale.. patrz dalej]) chodzi po głowie... cholera, zapomniałem, wiem że to było w czasie rozmowy o przysłowiach... i coś nie miało sensu, ale nie potrafię sobie przypomnieć. Więc w zastępstwie inne pytanie: kto wynalazł prześcieradła?

Rozumiem że Kopernik cię nie kręci, spoczko. Następnym razem jako poster boya walne Galileusza albo jeszcze lepiej zdjęcie teleskopu Hubble'a, jego zwierciadło jest po prostu 'dreamy' if you know what i mean *wink wink* Inna sprawa że jak dla mnie to ten teleskop można było jakoś lepiej nazwać, ale co poradzić, USA nie ma za wiele weny twórczej od kiedy Tesla wyemigrował do wnętrza ziemi żeby walczyć z Hitlerem (Niesamowite ale są ludzie którzy są przekonani że środek ziemi jest pusty i tam właśnie chowają się niedobitki trzeciej rzeszy... z tego można by niezły film zrobić. Jeszcze tylko Time Lincolna podczepić. Jakiś crossover z Doctorem Who i murowany sukces). 

Dam znać jak przypomnę sobie to przysłowie... teraz będzie to za mną chodziło.

Tags: words wtf img

October 19 2010

Abad

Let’s Play Morrowind


Remember when I mentioned that House Redoran has its seat in Ald-Ruhn, this freakish sand-blasted city whose high-rent properties are located inside the shell of a giant crab? My mission is to go there and steal some of House Redoran’s important documents.

See, it’s like this. By massive coincidence, I sound exactly like this Redoran officer who, according to Hlaalu espionage, died very recently. It says a lot about this outfit that she felt the need to specify, “We had nothing to do with it.” Anyway, the upshot is that Redoran doesn’t know he’d dead yet.

I’m supposed to go in wearing an official House Redoran ceremonial helmet (which covers my entire face), ask for the documents, and bring them back to my superiors. Good lord.

I mean, I’m not surprised that Hlaalu is doing this, exactly. I got the impression they wer kinda shady from the beginning. What strikes me about this mission is they hand to some slaphappy rookie who, as far as they know, has exactly enough cunning to operate the doorknob on their way in and sign their name without snapping the pen. For all they know, they could have just handed a sensitive espionage mission to a stuttering milksop who, when asked in a firm tone of voice, would blow his cover and blab on his employer.

That’s not even considering the fact that you could, you know, very easily be a spy for one of the other houses. I mean, they don’t know. I’m just some dude.

I’m just saying, if I ever reach the top of the ladder, first thing I’m going to do is issue all doyens a memo:

Please answer the following question and resubmit.

Which behavior is acceptable around hires so new, you have to glance down at their name tag before addressing them?

1.) Giving him a delicate assignment, failure at which will result in a massive PR issue for the House.
2.) Entrusting him with the transport of sensitive documents concerning other houses, documents which the third House would probably pay a hefty price for and the original house would pay to get back.
3.) Discussing matters of espionage in explicit detail.
4.) All of the above.
5.) All of the above at the same time.

The only proper response will be mailing it back blank, possibly with WTF? scrawled in the margins. Anyone who answers 1-3 will be sent to a re-education course. Anyone who answers 4 will be fired. Anyone who answers 5 will be fired out of a catapult.

Luckily for these morons, I’m both competent and loyal. I’m not sure who’d have more explaining to do if this went south—me, House Hlaalu, or the supervisor who assigned this damn mission.
Reposted byAluslawkrolpompon

October 17 2010

Abad
Nie obiecujcie sobie zbyt wiele po końcu świata.
— SJL
Tags: words quote
Reposted byAluslawelcommendanterazielini
Abad
3986 5c97 500
Reposted byleonelleAluslawjaqbeupuszczyk
Abad

October 16 2010

Abad
Reso: (23:03)
http://www.tvn24.pl/-1,1616773,0,1,polka-zagra-u-boku-bonda,wiadomosc.html
Ab: (23:04)
a w okienku obok artykułu
"Polski James Bond" przyznał się do zabójstwa
Rafal: (23:05)
"To pewne - pisze "Super Express""
to tyle na ten temat
Ab: (23:05)
ta
Cash: (23:09)
ona dziewczyna bonda?
myslalem ze bond juz nizej
upasc nie moze
te nowe czesci chujowe są -_-
(23:10)
a teraz bedzie najbrzydszy bond, z najbrzydszą dziewczyna bonda ; p
Reso: (23:10)
coz
ja sie absolutnie z toba nie zgodze : P
Cash: (23:10)
w ktorej kwesti? : p
Reso: (23:10)
hmm
wszystkich tbh
Cash: (23:10)
ktora dziewczyna bonda
Reso: (23:11)
nowy bond jest calkiem jol
Cash: (23:11)
byla brzydsza niz ta?
not really
nawet do konca
Reso: (23:11)
a pani nie najgorsza
Cash: (23:11)
mi sie ogladac nie chcialo
jakis emo bond
to teraz jest
i mnie tak wkuriwal
ze wylaczylem
Ab: (23:11)
Cahs jak zwykle w błędzie... good times
Cash: (23:11)
a zadko nie ogladam filmow do konca
Rafal: (23:11)
ta dziewczyn nie jest brzydka...
Cash: (23:11)
brzydka nie
Reso: (23:11)
wlasnie tez nie wiem co mu sie nie podoba
Cash: (23:11)
ale w porownaniu do dziewczyn bonda
(23:12)
to slabo wypada -_-
+ po artykule...
grala w serialach
Reso: (23:12)
Slawek juz w tym tygodniu przelecial 4 blondynki z krotkimi wlosami
Rafal: (23:12)
tzn ? sylikonowych barbie ?
Reso: (23:12)
wiec ogolnie jest na meh
Cash: (23:12)
"do tej pory grała głównie w polskich serialach. Ma bardzo dobre kwalifikacje do tej roli."
not really
Rafal: (23:12)
jedynie halle mi sie podobala z bondowych
Cash: (23:13)
anyway
mi sie nowe bondy kompletnie nie podobaja
Reso: (23:13)
dobre sa :]
Cash: (23:13)
wkurwial mnie ten cwel
Ab: (23:13)
wole to od brosmana
Cash: (23:13)
nagle
Reso: (23:13)
a sam bond tyle na glebi zyskal
Cash: (23:13)
bond emotional sie zrobil
no wlasnie
Rafal: (23:13)
ja nie ogladalem ,ale podobno ten aktor jakis zjebany jest
Cash: (23:13)
to mnie wkurwialo
nagle milosc
ble ble ble
Reso: (23:13)
ale ty mowisz o casino royale
jaka nagle? -,-
Rafal: (23:13)
same wypadki mu sie zdarzaly podczas krecenia -.=
Reso: (23:13)
przeca casino mowi o wydarzeniach
Ab: (23:14)
ta
ale film jest joł
+
Reso: (23:14)
zanim on mial status 007
Ab: (23:14)
Cash missuje pointa
wlasnie
Reso: (23:14)
wiec dziwnym nie jest ze nie ma jeszcze doswiadczenia
Ab: (23:14)
to sa jego poczatki
Cash: (23:14)
meh -_-
denerwowal mnie
caly czas
rozpamietujac to
jeez get on with your life
Reso: (23:14)
pozatym z wygladu tez lepiej
Cash: (23:14)
sissy
Reso: (23:14)
a nie taki ladny odpicowany
jak w poprzednich
Ab: (23:14)
yup
Cash: (23:14)
no wlasnie
(23:15)
z wygladu tak
ale z charakteru odwrotnie
Ab: (23:15)
nie pierdol ol ol ol ol
Rafal: (23:15)
nie stanal cashowi po prostu  podczas ogladania -.=
Cash: (23:15)
niby bardziej surowy, twardy itp, a w srodku ciota
Ab: (23:15)
hahhaa
Cash: (23:15)
-_-
Reso: (23:15)
xD
Ab: (23:15)
OŁNED
Reso: (23:15)
Slawek is not amused
Ab: (23:15)
Well played
Game over
gl next time cash
Cash: (23:15)
ja lubie bondy : /
to byl najgorszy jaki widzialem
nawet
melodie
spierdolili
Rafal: (23:16)
zly rytm do trzepania
Cash: (23:16)
ffs
Ab: (23:16)
hahahhaa
Reso: (23:16)
pwn xD
Cash: (23:16)
taa
Ab: (23:16)
oh god.... rofl
Cash: (23:16)
tutaj pogadam na poziomie
— /konf/ - Tutaj pogadasz na poziomie
Tags: words lól /konf/
Abad
3455 a64a 500

Cyberdyne Systems Series 800 Model 101 Terminator Infiltration Unit


Level 10 Cyborg Fighter

STR 36 (+13)
DEX 18 (+4)
CON 50 (+20)
INT 1 (Read Only) or 10 (Read and Write)
WIS 1 (Read Only) or 10 (Read and Write)
CHA 18 (+4)

HP 350 (700 maximum at level 20)
Defense 39

Weapon Proficiency: Firearms (Ballistic, All)
Weapon Focus: Firearms (Ballistic, All)
Weapon Specialization: Firearms (Ballistic, All)
Weapon Proficiency: Firearms (Plasma, All)
Weapon Focus: Firearms (Plasma, All)
Weapon Specialization: Firearms (Plasma, All)

Toughness (x5)

Cyborg-Specific Feats

Hyper-Alloy Combat Chassis (+25 Defense)

Re-Route Systems
[When the cyborg reaches -10 HP it can attempt to reboot using auxillary power (Fortitude Save, DC 50) in order to regain 40% of its maximum HP. If revived Terminator may only take 40% (rounded down) of its defense bonus from the Hyper-Alloy Combat Chassis Feat, if the attempt fails, the cyborg is terminated and may not attempt the feat again. If the check is successful the cyborg may attempt this feat again if it is reduced to -10 HP again, no additional penalty is added to the DC attempt. If a cyborg is revived, it loses a permanant (until it can be repaired) -4 to STR, DEX & CON, and a -2 to INT, & WIS.]

Special Two-Weapon Fighting
[The cyborg takes no penalty for two weapon fighting. Additionally it can wield any Large size weapon in one hand and carry a Huge (or heavy) weapon in two hands.]

Stable Firing Platform
[Due to the lack of involuntary movement, the cyborg has no penalty for autofire or burstfire attacks, and range penalties are halved.]

Living Human Tissue
[Any successful hit or any missed hit that would have hit the cyborg but for the Hyper-Alloy Combat Chassis Feat, does damage to the cyborg's exterior. A hit that damages the cyborg does equal damage to the flesh coating. One that is ignored by the armor, but actually physically strikes the cyborg does normal damage for that weapon to the flesh coating. The human tissue has 10% of the maximum HP of the cyborg. Varying percentages of the human tissue HP alter the cyborg's appearance and functionality. Note that once a cyborg reaches stage 4, the only way it can be lowered into stage 5 is by fire or corrosive damage that will remove the remaining skin.

Stage Tissue HP Charisma Modifier Strength Modifier Appearance
0 100% +0 +0 Athletic human
1 >90% -2 +0 Slight cosmetic damage, scrapes, blood, etc
2 >70% -4 -2
3 >60% -6 -3
4 >40% -8 -4
5 <40% -14 -6

Stage Appearance
0 Athletic human, no damage
1 Slight cosmetic damage, scrapes, blood, etc
2 Some mechanical components visible, damage can be easily concealed by clothing
3 Moderate mechanical components visible (an eye missing, or an exposed arm)
4 Severe damage, chest cavity exposed, mechanical face exposed or other extremely obvious exposure
5 Rags of skin hanging from an endoskeleton]

Regeneration
[A cyborg can heal 1 HP to its human tissue every six hours it is not in combat.]

Damage Resistance
[A cyborg is completely immune to all ballistic anti-personal weapons that do not double as vehicle or anti-materiel weapons. Any pistol, shotgun, or rifle will do no damage to the cyborg aside from cosmetic damage to the human tissue. On a critical hit, a small arm will do the normal double damage to the cyborg's HP as well as to the cyborg's human tissue HP. Against all other weapons the cyborg has a damage resitance of 20.]

Temporary Damage
[If it recieves 10% of it's HP in damage in one round the cyborg must make a Fortitude Save DC 50 or be knocked on the ground and be temporaraly shut down for 1d4 rounsd. Additionally shotguns do temporary damage and this temporary damage stays for 10 rounds or until a cyborg makes a Save. This means that if a cyborg is attacked by a shotgun over the course of four rounds and that total damage is 10% or more than it's total HP, the the cyborg must make a save and the damage is instantly erased. Temporary shotgun damage cannot in any way permanantly harm a cyborg and when combat ends, the damage is erased.]

Repair
[A cyborg can be repaired in the future at either a human resistance base or a SkyNet factory. At a SkyNet factory, complete repair takes one day and resets the entire Terminator to factory statistics removing all experience and setting the machine to default specifications. This can be useful for a PC to gain levels quickly, however, the PC's switch would have to be reset after the fact and it would have to be re-programmed. Until that time, the PC cyborg would act as a standard monster NPC and would have no control over any of its actions. At a human resistance base, the humans can repair the cyborg to 90% of it's maximum HP due to salvaging operations. On its own, or back in time the cyborg must have access to a machine shop and some supply of materiels and it will be capable of jurry-rigging itself to 80% functionality. This process, no matter which method is used, takes two full, uninterrupted days.]

Neural Net Processor
[A cyborg Terminator as an NPC or monster is set at level 10 with the above factory schematics. It may appear as an endoskeleton only (stage 5 damage) and it is not capable of learning beyond a basic level (for infilitration purposes, such as picking up modern slang) and is not capable of advanced decision making skills. A Terminator can be set to read-and-write in which case it acts as an average intelligence human. It may still have programmed parameters that it is incapable of breaking, but a cyborg that is at least level 10 is completely autonomous and is assigned an alignment and complete free will. A PC cyborg starts at Level 1 with 25% of its theoretical total HP at level 20, and the standard feats package and attributes. At levels 10, 15 and 20, it gains an additional 25% of its theoretical total HP. A cyborg must be a fighter and cannot multi-class. A cyborg can only reach level 20. If rolling dice for HP rather than taking the maximum value, then roll 5 hit dice at the indicated levels (1, 10, 15 and 20) and add relevant modifiers. Note that cyborgs can never increase their attributes through experience, nor through upgrades. They are at the pinnacle of technology and there is no room for improvement in any area.]

Reposted byAluslawtrikkelcommendanterazieliniRat-Inc
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